THE 12 COMMANDMENTS OF GROWING OLD
#1 – Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.
#2 – Consider “in style” to be the clothes that still fit.
#3 – You don’t need anger management, you just need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 – Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down I’ll remember it.”
#6 – These days, “on time” is when you get there.
#7 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 – Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 – Lately, you’ve noticed people your age look so much older than you.
#10 – You thought growing old would take a lot longer.
#11 – Aging sure has slowed you down, but it hasn’t shut you up.
#12 – You still haven’t learned to act your age and hope you never will.
And one more:
So you know you’re growing old when “one for the road” means taking a pee before you leave.
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