12 commandments

from Fred:

 

THE 12 COMMANDMENTS OF GROWING OLD

#1 – Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.

#2 – Consider “in style” to be the clothes that still fit. 

#3 – You don’t need anger management, you just need people to stop pissing you off. 

#4 – Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work. 

#5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down I’ll remember it.” 

#6 – These days, “on time” is when you get there. 

#7 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound. 

#8 – Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller? 

#9 – Lately, you’ve noticed people your age look so much older than you. 

#10 – You thought growing old would take a lot longer. 

#11 – Aging sure has slowed you down, but it hasn’t shut you up. 

#12 – You still haven’t learned to act your age and hope you never will. 

And one more: 

So you know you’re growing old when “one for the road” means taking a pee before you leave.

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